pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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