I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
