I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Vodka?
Forever.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
