that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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