I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
