I think i peed on brittanys purse
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
