That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
