don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
