Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
my liver is dry heaving
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
