i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
