Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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