You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
