On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
