he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wish there were birth control emojis
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
