I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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