so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
