he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
