oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
