i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
