So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
