It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
