You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
