HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
