she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
