I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
