The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
