god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
