I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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