sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My cat gives me a boner
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
