I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
