moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
How's work?
Spinning.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
