Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
