Three words: puerto rican gang bang
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
