I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
