The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
