and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
