I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
