I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize