How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
