I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
