I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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