VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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