Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
