yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
