Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
People in love make me want to vomit
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
