Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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