I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
