I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
