so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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