So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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