Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this beer tastes like vomit already
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
