Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
