I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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