What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
