I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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