His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
