I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just threw up on my dentist
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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