obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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