he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
