Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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