Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
