I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
