Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
