nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
