I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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