i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she peed on how many people?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
