The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
