Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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