He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
