The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
