I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
