i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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