There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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