Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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