Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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