I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
