So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
