saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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