Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
