I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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