My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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