WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
