Can i not drive my cunt home
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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