she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
