brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize