I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
