hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
