It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I will be naked everywhere
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
