Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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