Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I stole a fireplace last night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
