I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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