tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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