I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
