Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
