Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
