I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
