apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Randomize
