Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
