remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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