Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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